First of all, thank you so much for all of the encouragement and support that I've gotten from all of you so far. I feel like I'm really putting myself "out there," and that is such a scary thing... so every bit of encouragement has meant a great deal. Keep it up! You fuel me. Haha.
I have changed a few things on my list, and there is one new one that I want to point out. It's the "in bed by 10 and asleep by 11." Meh... this was NOT my idea, and even as I type this, it is 10:02pm, and I'm totally breaking this rule for the second night in a row (and I only added it yesterday, which means I've failed twice and succeeded zero times!... so far). Let me explain.
So for the past couple of years, I've been on a VERY intensive healing journey (which I'm sure will be the topic of many future blog posts), and about a year ago, I very clearly heard the Lord tell me that a practical step in my healing would be to go to bed at 10 and be asleep by 11.
Like a mad genius, I decided that God was wrong, and I would be fine to continue on my merry way going to bed an ungodly (literally, now that I'm being directly disobedient to God, Himself) hour, and wake up late... day... after day... after day.
And the other day, I realized that I had spent hours wracking my brain, asking friends, reading blogs, and even polling Facebook to determine the 52 things that I wanted to accomplish, yet I didn't even think to PRAY! As soon as I realized this, I screwed my head back on, swept away the looming condemnation, and I asked God what He wanted me to do. Before I finished asking Him, I already heard His answer... "I already told you, Holly... You need to be in bed by 10 and asleep by 11." Wow... oops. So again, like a genius, I thought I would make SURE God knew what He was talking about. "God, are you SUUUUUURE this is really necessary? So much quality time with Jeremy is spent after this time... and..." God kindly cut me off with something along these lines, "Holly, you have 52 things on a list that you want to accomplish, yet you are wanting to forgo the one thing that is going to make those other 51 possible... please trust Me, and do your best to obey Me."
So... After hours of considering this, trying to talk God and myself out of it, and being so strongly convicted about my disobedience, I decided to humble myself, repent, and let God be Lord of my life. I reluctantly added it to my list. Why was this so hard? While talking to a dear friend yesterday morning, I realized that I am addicted to the feeling of being up at night. I'm not 100% sure what it is about the feeling... but it's more than just being a night owl. It's an addiction, and it's something that I've been putting before God. And so I'm letting it go.
Also, this same friend confirmed what God had told me by telling me that He had been saying the same thing to her (be in bed by 10 and asleep by 11)... and so did a YouTube video I watched about natural cures for depression (it was REALLY good. Let me know if you want the link).
Obviously, I'm not starting out that strong. But the year has barely started, and I have lots of time to get better at this. And I don't expect to be perfect in this area by the end of 2014. I just hope to be better. And I hope to no longer be blatantly disobeying my Heavenly Father.
I am going to need to pray my way through this one (if this seems silly to you, bear with me... it's an addiction. And no matter what we are addicted to, addictions are hard to break).
So far, my prayer looks something like this,
"Oh Father, please help me to do my best to obey you and treat my body well by going to bed on time. When I succeed, help me to give you Glory, and when I fail, help me to lean on You. And when my best isn't good enough, please let your grace be enough that I may still be successful. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you that you love me. And thank you that with you, I always have hope. Amen!"Hmmm... I hope that wasn't boring for you.
On another note, I am totally committing to my 5k run. May 31st in Cloverdale, I'm doing the "Color Me Rad" run with friends. (http://www.colormerad.com/)
I am so excited. It's hard to believe that I'm actually going to do a run! I'm going to have a number and everything! I am doing it, and it's going to be wonderful.
I'll keep you posted on how all of this is going.
Feel free to pray for me!